Guest Blog Post from Tansry Rayner Roberts!

Living with a professional writer is a hard task.

There’s the computer thing. Chances are, if your best beloved is a
writer, you have a love/hate relationship with their laptop. If it’s
on, your sweetie is somewhere else, either working, or networking, or
blogging, or tweeting, or playing internet games and totally
pretending to be working.*

*Some of us, of course, are far too career-driven to ever do such a thing.

But it gets worse. Because even if you can drag them away from their
computer, they will still be working. You’re there, at dinner, or
settling down for the evening, or in the car, and find yourself
carrying on half a conversation, because your darling is staring into
the distance, composing imaginary dialogue.

Or staring at the couple at the table across the restaurant, wondering
which of them would make a better foot soldier, assassin or murder
victim.

When they do talk, it’s a babble of plot that only half makes sense,
and you have to nod and pay attention, because there may be questions
afterwards.

You come home to find jobs started but abandoned, because the new
chapter was “calling”.

Sometimes you come home to find your partner in tears because they had
to kill off XXX, and somehow your calm, objective comments about how
they “didn’t REALLY have to kill XXX off because he’s a fictional
character” don’t actually help, and might get something thrown at your
head.

This is not the only time you will find yourself having serious
conversations about people who don’t actually exist.

Sometimes they are up at 3am typing, and you don’t know why it can’t
wait until morning.

Ever been a touch impatient because your dearest can’t find a thing to
wear? Add ‘book launch’ to that equation, and you will be there for
hours. HOURS.

Then there’s the big question. The huge, life altering question. Do
you read their books? Do you read their manuscript drafts? What do
you say if you don’t like them? Awkward!!!

I’m sure that every job brings its own unique challenges home to the
family. But it’s always seemed to me that writing has a particular
brand of difficulties to be overcome - and a particular need for
patience on behalf of the non writer partner. There are two kinds of
jobs, after all - the one that follows you home from the office, and
the one that doesn’t. Writing never goes away! I have been extremely
lucky in that I have a partner who has one of those jobs that doesn’t
follow you home, and that he is incredibly understanding about the
fact that I have one which is constantly tangled around my neck.

When we first started going out, a zillion years ago (ooh, nearly
fifteen) I was in a rare non writing period of my life, which came to
a natural end six months or so later - at which point, he found
himself in a relationship with a writer entirely by accident. Luckily
for me, he got the hang of it very quickly, and has been supportive in
all senses of the word ever since.

He made me post the first manuscript, the one that changed everything,
although he hadn’t yet read it and had no idea if it was any good. He
paid the bills, year after year, supporting me through university as
well as my erratic writing career. He actually buys my books, in
multiple electronic forms, even though he is totally entitled to one
of my precious freebie copies. Oh, and he always wanted to hear about
whoever it is I killed off this week.

What else could I ask for?

Tansy Rayner Roberts is the
author of Power and Majesty (Creature Court Book One) and
The Shattered City (Creature Court Book Two, April 2011) with
Reign of Beasts (Creature Court Book Three, coming in
November 2011) hot on its tail. Her short story collection Love
and Romanpunk will be published as part of the Twelfth Planet
Press “Twelve Planets” series in May.



This post comes to you as part of Tansy’s Mighty Slapdash Blog Tour,
and comes with a cookie fragment of new release The Shattered City:

This is the thing I never told anyone about Raoul’s death: for
days afterwards, my dreams were full of him, and not just images of
him falling to his doom. I could hear his thoughts, a steady rattle
in the back of my head. Sometimes I even thought I could hear other
voices, other Seers, chattering away in there.

You understand why I kept this to myself.

There is an icy cold coming from beneath me feet...

I think the world is coming to an end. Hell is freezing over and those four particular men are saddling up their horses.
Yep, I am doing a blog post!
What’s that? I think a pig just flew into my window.
It’s alright, I think it just knocked itself out.

I've got to say, blogging isn’t as easy as I first thought when I set out as a fresh faced cupcake, newly engaged and thinking the world was wonderful and life would be brilliant!
Wedding planning would be easy!
I have my Muffin and my Creampuff, life is good, and planning our wedding would be a breeze.
Hot damn I was a naive little Cupcake.
Planning a wedding is long, tedious, arduous and, in some parts, a complete battle of wills.

Where shall I start.

Well I had my cake person all locked in. I was ready to get a sample off her, to pay the deposit and to breathe easy because that was another major thing checked off my list.
I had gotten quotes, enquired, queried, asked, begged, sold my soul and I had found this one person who could do it for me for more then $100 less then any of the other places.

Let me pause from my story for a moment to fill you in on the whole cake process I have been going through.
I want to perform an act of cannibalism and have cupcakes.
92 red velvet cupcakes with a simple swirl of cream cheese icing, to be exact.
Also, since Muffin likes to believe that he has an active say in the wedding plans, we are having a top tier cake with the Royal White Fondant icing.
I (and by I, I do of course me WE) want it to be all very minimalistic and classic.
No fancy decorations, no flowers, no sprinkles (as much as I DO love sprinkles).
Simple.
Elegant.
Classic.
So I sent off enquiries to about 6 different cake places and cupcake parlours.
I received quotes back from all of them. They started at a very reasonable $3-$3.50 a cupcake. This is a good price for a cupcake and one we are more then willing to pay.
However, some of the quotes came back to me with a ridiculous $6-$7 a bloody cake!!
I was gobsmacked.. Well I wanted to smack their gobs.
It was a completely unrealistic price and I cant help but feel that it is all because I used the word WEDDING when asking for the quote.
Needless to say that I wasn’t going to be spending upwards of $600 on the cake when I'm not even going to spend that much on my dress.
Nosiree!!

So I got a contact email and number off one of the Scones, my baked-good-in-law, and sent an email through to this marvellous woman who said she could do the cakes for $2.20 a piece. This blessed woman was my saving grace and I was resisting the urge to erect a monument in her honour.
So I locked her in.
I was ecstatic!!
I put it to the back of my mind and moved on to other things.
And than the day came.
A couple of weeks later I woke up to an email on my phone.
(I am a tech savvy Cupcake)
With very few worlds, my wedding plans crashed to a halt.
Due to family matters, she had to pull out and I was left without a person to make the cake for the wedding.
Well not entirely, but I was left without a person to make the cake for the wedding for such an AMAZING price that she was doing it for.
No don't get me wrong, I am truly sorry that she is having family difficulties and that she had to move away, but I cant help but feel (rather selfishly) put out.
So it was back to the bridal expo.
Back to the quoting, begging, soul selling.
Finally, I find myself in touch with another place to do the things for me.
They specialise in Red Velvet Cupcakes apparently and their prices, while not as delicious as the other, are still acceptable and within our sacred budget which must be adhered to at all costs.
Bada boom tish!
I've just got to wait to get a sample first, and then I will put a deposit down.

On a different note, the flowers just fell into place like the proverbial.. falling.. things..
I dragged the Hen along to a Wedding Expo for the express purpose of finding a florist to do the floral arrangements for us.
Now, I am a very easy going Bridal Cupcake.
The reason I point this out is because I like things to be perfect.
Which is a complete contradiction, but I am going somewhere with this, I promise.
As a cupcake who likes this to be perfect, I took this into account when the planning of this event, shindig, box social, begun.
What is the best way to get exactly what I want without freaking out and destroying an Asian city with my radioactive fire breath.
Make it minimalistic.
The KISS theory is something that I live by in both my work as a designer and my life.
Keep It Simple Stupid.
Well this is coming into play with the wedding as well.
This is important to note when talking about flowers.
I (we) are not having floral centrepieces on any of the tables, not even the bridal table. We aren’t having flower stands, or pew arrangements (we aren’t having pews, everyone can stand), nor any of the other floral pieces that aren’t attached to our persons.
This not only minimises the costs, but it allows for a lot less imperfection and fits in with our theme.

A lot of thought went into choosing the flowers to match the colours chosen.
Cookie and I made the trip up to the Flower Markets in Brisbane and, after spending a lot of time in a lot of fridges, we came home with $60 worth of floral magnificence.
Now I know you may be thinking to yourself that $60 wouldn’t buy very many flowers, but let me tell you, when you're buying wholesale...
Well let’s just say that I didn’t have enough vases at home for all the damn things that I bought..!!
But the fruits of our exercise were sweet, delicious and juicy indeed!
We were able to pick out the perfect flowers!
My bouquet is going to be white calla lilies and these absolutely AMAZING ugly red brain things!
Seriously, Google image search Red Brain Flowers and these will come up.
They are the most amazingly, wonderful flowers I have ever seen and I fell in love with them the moment I saw them.
Not exactly your typical wedding flower, but hey, I'm not your typical kind of baked treat.
The bridesmaid’s bouquets are white and burgundy calla lilies and the groomsmen and Muffin have buttonholes to match.

Anyways, I swear I had a point of telling you all this.

My florist!

So I dragged the Hen to a Wedding Expo with me. There was no kicking and screaming but if she thought she could get away with it then there would have been.
She didn’t enjoy it.
We went there with the soul purpose of finding a florist to take care of all of flower-ee needs.
Looking around, perusing the various stalls, elbowing a few other Bride-to-Be's in order to be at the front of the line, signing up to 15 million different mailing lists in an attempt to win unwinnable competitions, patting an Eagle, just for shits and giggles, we FINALLY arrived at the fated stall.
Naturally it was one of the last stalls we arrived at, tucked away in the corner, looking unassuming and absolutely ravishing in it dress of various bouquets. It was definitely the stall for me.
The reason I say that is because this point rather down hearted me.
I had spoken with 3 different florists who had varying degrees of manners, understanding and patience. I had been blatantly ignored by two other florists who seemed to look right through me or were incredibly uninterested and the Hen and I were about ready to call it quits.
And then, it was as if the crowd of people parted and over their shoulders I saw the one. Our eyes met over the crowd and it was love at first sight.
Standing in pride of place in the middle of the stall of this Florist was the almost perfect bouquet.
It was a posy of red gerberas with black ribbon and this decadent halo of black feathers around the bottom of the posy.
I was absolutely in love.
I had to have the feathers! They were perfect.
For the whole time it took me to cross the room to talk to the owner I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I was a woman possessed.
I waited patiently for my turn. I would not be ignored this time. I had found my match now I just had to wait my turn to talk to its parent and ask for its hand.
At last, after what seemed like an eternity, I was at the front of the line and I was confronted with the creator of this masterpiece.
I mentioned, somewhat casually, not wanting to give away how exited and eager I was, that the feathers were simply wonderful!
I explained to her what I wanted and she was not only incredibly easy to talk to (unlike the other florists) but she also understand EXACTLY what I wanted and she seemed genuinely eager to floralise my (our) wedding.
It was a match made in heaven!

In this time away from the bloggi-
CURSED FLY WON’T BUGGER OFF!!!!
-ng world, I have arranged a great deal of things for the wedding. I have suffered a great many set backs and endured a great many trials..
Ok.. Now I am just being dramatic.

But I DID organise the Bonbonnieres..
Two words.
Lolly. Buffet!

Next time

Next time I get married This cupcake is having pre made invites.
That is all.

Life to date..

So it has been brought to my attention that it has been a while since my last post (thanks Hen!)
Did you guys miss me? Did you notice I was gone? Did you cry yourself to sleep at night wondering why I had forsaken you and the world in general with my lack of posting?
Did you-
Ok, I'm going to stop myself there, I'm having trouble keeping a straight face. It’s hard to write a deeply serious blog when one is grinning like an idiot.
I have also realised that I uttered a blatant lie in my previous post. For that I am almost sorry. I said I would make a post a day for the entire month of November.
Must say I love how that turned out.

Wow the last month of my life has been busy.
Between work, life, wedding plans, Muffin, creampuff and work, I haven’t had much time to scratch my... back.. let alone write to you to keep you updated with the progress of planning my wedding.
What a month it has been.
Lets see..
The first week this little Cupcake and her Muffin jet-setted away. Up to tropical Queensland to explore all that it had to offer.
No need to mention that we already live in Queensland.. And what it has to offer is pretty much the same all year round..
Shut up..
Anyway, we went on holidays up to mid-ish Queensland to visit Muffin's brother and his girlfriend, Carrot Cake and his Cinnamon Swirl. It was the furthest north either of us has been in this fair country of ours.
It was hot.
It was muggy.
It was rainy.
It was also amazingly pretty. I don’t know what it was about the place, maybe because we had to drive 8 hours to get there, but it just seemed to be so much more exotic then the Gold Coast.
Who woulda thunk it.
So that was a marvellous holiday for the both of us. We explored, we drank, we hung out, we drank, we got rained on, we drank..
All in all, a success..

But you guys don’t want to hear about our holidays, you want to hear the juicy goss about the wedding planning.
I have to say, this whole planning thing..
I can’t seem to decide if it is incredibly easy or incredibly hard.
I wonder sometimes if things are happening TO easily for me and if I should be worried about the repercussions of things just falling into place.
Ok, I think I am sounding a bit neurotic now.
But here’s the thing.
In the space of one week I managed to pick my flowers, arrange the wedding car, pick out the wedding bands and sort out our photographer.
That being said, I think I am going to have to owe a few wonderful people some favours once the day is done, but I am ok with that.
I have heard that things can be hard to book, hard to find exactly what you want or hard to lock into place.
But I haven’t had any problems at all.

The car was simple.
Hen has some friends with this absolutely sexy hot rod. I asked if we could use that and they said yes, god bless em.
And naturally, if one owns a hot rod, one isn’t likely to let just anyone drive it, so the driver comes included in the deal.
So that's that sorted.

The photographer was just as easy.
I used to work in a photo lab, a million years ago before I decided graphic design was my calling (a way to pass me time) and so I asked one of the chicks who used to manage the store. She really does take some super nice photos and I feel better having someone that I know..
Plus it means I can edit the photos myself and being the control freak of a Cupcake that I am, that is right up my alley.

Cookie and I got up ridiculously early one morning, got in the car and drove up to the Brisbane Flower Markets.
45 minutes and $60 later, we had picked out the absolute perfect flowers to have in the bouquet.
And let me tell you..
If EVER you get a chance to go to a flower market, DO!!
The one in Brisbane isn’t massive, but my gods was it just amazing! $60 got me soooooo many flowers! it was just nuts!
For a week our house was so super perky happy..
I love flowers..
Nothing is better then a happy Cupcake with flowers!

The wedding bands were a bit of a different story.
I swear to gods, I am so amazingly grateful that we only every have to buy ONE ring for the groom.
We must have walked around the shopping centre for about four hours and Muffin must have tried on every single male wedding band in every single jewellery store in the damn place.
He decided that he wanted it to have a diamond in it.
One diamond.
He wouldn’t even consider getting one that he really likes coz it had three diamonds in it.
He didn’t like 90% of the rings with one diamond in them because they had a line that went all of the way around. Or they were too thick. Or the inside of the ring wasn’t absolutely perfect.
Ok Cupcake, calm down.. Deep breaths..
We only have to do it once.
Eventually he settled on a titanium ring that was nice and simplistic. It didn’t have a diamond in it but he left it with the store to call the manufacturer and ask if we can get it made with one in it.
We couldn’t.
Enter my mate The Jeweller.
I swear to gods if I were single this man would be my favourite man on the planet!
I gave him a call, explained the situation and asked if we bought the simple titanium ring, would he be able to put the diamond in it for us.
This wonderful, wonderful man said yes!!
It makes me so happy!!
Did I mention that favours I will owe people after the wedding?
So after four hours of trying on rings, more hours of debate, many phone calls and even more sucking up, we finally have his wedding band sorted.

I tried on about 5 rings and picked out the first one.
And it was 40% off..

After all of this organisation, I have come to the conclusion that weddings are ridiculously expensive, but if you know the right people, the are remarkably less so.
I find myself breathing a little easier in the knowledge that I don’t think we are going to blow our budget.

The lesson to be learnt here, boys and girls, is don’t be afraid to owe people favours, you can simply deny it all when they try to collect.

Either that or being tight isn’t always a bad thing, it means you get in contact with people you only talk to on Facebook..

Or I think I should talk to people I know more in real life and not on Facebook..

It was possibly always make friends with jewellers.. You never know when you will need one..

You can pick whichever suits you.

Peace out!

To be exact..

Exactly one year from today I will be surrounded by all of my closest friends, family and fellow baked goods. I expect I will have a glass of wine in my hand and will have the type of grin on my face that is synonymous with exhaustion, elation and complete, utter bliss.. I'm sure the alcohol will have contributed to the benign grin a small amount.

In the previous week, if things go according to plan, I will have been poked, prodded, waxed, fluffed, dyed, squeezed, painted, sprayed and squished. I will have been filled up to my ears of girl time. I will have laughed, cried (no doubt) giggled, been sick, lost my breath, caught my breath, sighed, missed, screamed, fought and loved.
In the space of a week I am certain that I will have gone through the entire spectrum of emotions and I will be left completely and utterly exhausted.

Now I find yourself thinking why would anyone out themselves through such torture? Why would anyone submit themselves to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion? Why?
The answer is really quite simple. Just thinking about going through it all bring and tingle to my spine and butterflies to my stomach.
To share such a thing with so many people I love..
My cookie, the rooster and hen, the scones, the gingerbread man and his fairy bread, pancake, the in-laws, sweet bun and her cream.. So many people, so much love..
The real reason I put myself through such torment..
My Muffin.
My life.
My world.

He is the reason I get up in the morning. The reason I come home at night. The reason I sleep, eat and dream.

He is the reason that I will subject myself to the afore mentioned torment.
And exactly one year from today, he will be all mine.

I can only hope that all of the other Cupcakes out there can find a Muffin to call their own.



- This opinion was formed on Cupcakes iPhone

I haven't dropped off the face of the Blogosphere.. I swear

So I will admit it, it has been a while since I have been active in the world of blogging.
It seems as though I have dropped off the face of the Blogosphere, if you will.
Truth be told, life has been hectic at the moment.
Work, work, work, sleep, Baked Goods, and, just for a change, work.
But this is the month.
I completely intend to make a post a day for the entirety of this month.
(Yes, I realise the I have already dropped the ball on that one in that I didn’t post yesterday, but I shall make two today to make up for it.)

Oh the stories I can tell you of the things that have occurred over the past few weeks.
Children, mothers, lovers, food, wine, beer..
The list goes on and I really have no idea where to start.

As you all know we have an addition to our family in the form of a white, fluffy, smartarse of a lap dog.
The transformation I have seen in him since we first brought our bundle of joy home from foster care is just astounding.
He has metaphorically, and due to a hair cut a few weeks ago literally, come out of his shell. He is now a completely different dog. In fact, he is a little shit.
For weeks and weeks and tried to have him sleeping in the laundry.
What a heart wrenching exercise of will THAT was.
All hours of the night he would bark and cry and whine and scratch, all the while this Cupcake and her Muffin would be laying in bed, wide eyed, pleading with him to just go to sleep.
He didn’t.
He continued to cry and even after many different people told us 'That it will get better in time, he will realise that crying wont get him anywhere'
It didn’t.
Early one morning, after getting very little sleep, black rings gracing my bloodshot eyes, I dragged myself out of bed, put him outside for a wizzy then proceeded to collapse back into bed after letting him back in.
I forgot to put the little bastard back in the laundry.
Eyes drifted closed and I slipped into the bliss of uninterrupted sleep.
Muffin slept in the latest he has ever done so and when he thought it time for me to awaken, he tapped me on the shoulder and said 'Guess where the dog has been sleeping all morning'
He pointed down his side of the bed where the most adorable ball of fluff to grace this earth was curled up in a ball against the window, sleeping happily.
He had picked where he would be sleeping from now on.
Needless to say, the only thing we have to contest with is my snoring..
Not that I snore at all..

Mmmm pizza..

Engagement parties have me exhausted. As mentioned earlier we are having two (because one is just never enough). I have some AMAZING people helping me out though, which means that I don’t have to stress about it nearly as much as I am. But sometimes it feels like I am biting off more then I chew.
What if people don’t come? What if people come that didn’t RSVP? What if there isn’t enough food? Booze? Entertainment?
What if people drink too much and then fights break out?
What if I drink too much?
Well that last one isn’t too much of a drama, I shall be a good girl, but after all, it’s my party and I'll drink if I want to..
I am super excited though for both of them. What better way to celebrate the chaining yourself to another baked good for the rest of your earthly life and beyond then by drinking to excess with all of the family and friends whom you have lived and loved and wouldn’t have any other way.
I don’t even know if that makes sense.

Wow.. It’s harder to write 1,700 words then I first thought..
I’m tired.. I shall make up the lacking words later when I’m not on holidays..
Peace out!

Primal Instincts.

I swore to myself when I started this thing this I wouldn’t find myself bad mouthing other people.
I would start writing about how much people piss me off and how annoying they are.
Blogs like that are a dime a dozen and, lets face it, bitchiness is an unattractive feature in any cupcake.
But this is one of those circumstances that I just can’t hold my silence.
Just to clarify here, my irritation isn’t directed at one particular person, more at a group of people and how something as simple as a choice they have made had lead them to go from fine, upstanding citizens (most of the time anyway) to insufferable pains in my side.
Who would have thought that for 6 months of the year that these people are mother, sons, teachers, students, doctors, lawyers (possibly the exception to the upstanding citizen rule), taxi drivers, daughters, plumbers, electricians, works, lovers, fighters doers..
But for the other six months of the year..
They are Collingwood supporters.
It is as though their decision to support the team with the black and white stripes turns them into completely different people.
I'm not entirely sure what it is or even whom to blame.
Eddie McGuire?
Or is Eddie simply a symptom of a problem so much worse?
All I know is that I have not met one, single hardcore Collingwood fan I like.
I find them to be loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, insufferable and just generally hard to get along with.
Now don’t get confused here, I'm not talking about the people who just dabble in AFL and half-heartedly go "I should pick a team I guess.. Hmm I think I will follow the masses and support Collingwood"
Although sometimes those fans can be incredibly irritating, at least pick a team with fewer fans, THEY NEED YOU MORE!!
No, I'm talking about the hardcore ones..
The ones who can spell the Captains name backwards.
The ones who own a flag, a scarf and a jersey.
They ones who cry when Collingwood loses.
And the ones who cant bare to hear people say bad things about their team..
Mainly how irritating their fans are.
You all know the types of fans I am talking about.
Every football code has them, and every team has them.
Most of the time they are few and far between and knowledge of them can be pushed to the back of your mind in favour of the good fans who make you think that supporting football may not be such a bad thing after all.
But it’s as if Collingwood has produced them on mass.
Buy yourself a black and white flag, don a black and white jersey and you will find yourself travelling back through time when humans rely only on their basic instinct.
Sex.
Fight.
Support Collingwood.

In conclusion, I would like to say that this isn’t in response to the HUMILIATING defeat my team, St. Kilda, suffered at the hands of the Black and the White in the Grand Final.
It is something that has been playing on my mind for many years now.
It has just come to my realization today that I have the means to express my dissatisfaction.

Oh and it is a little bit because of the humiliating defeat...
Freaking Magpies..