Memories are a funny thing..

There was this boy I knew in high school.

It wasn’t the later years, after I moved away and got my head straightened out into a less selfish version of what it once was.
It was when I was young.
Not entirely ready to come out of the oven yet.
I still had a bit to learn. A bit more cooking to be done.

He was the perfect boy for the 15 year old self that I was back then.
We liked the same music, the same movies.
He had that bad boy flair to him.
He had me skipping school and smoking behind the maths buildings.
Sneaking me a joint or two when we had the cash.
He was the type of boy that Mother Hen would have hated.
Which meant that I was head over heels in love with him.

It was, of course, doomed to fail.
First of all, he had a girlfriend.
This was before I was assertive enough to know what I want and to know how to get it.
Secondly, I was pretty sure that he didn’t like me in that way.
Looking back now, I know that we flirted.
Something terrible.
In fact, if flirting was a crime, the two of us would have received the death sentence.
Which is ironic because, as mentioned before, he had a girlfriend.

I would find myself thinking back to this boy. Wondering what he was doing. Who he was with. Where he was.
You know, all of the stuff you start thinking about when you forget that you are trying to deny that you are growing up.
(Which I'm not)

How often is it that we get to have a chance to have a sneak peek at the past.

This boy recently contacted me.
It was completely out of the blue and would could have knocked with a feather because I was so shocked.
We did the usual dance.
You know, asking how each other are, what we're doing, who we're doing, where we are and all that.
Then, much to my amusement, he started to take things to the next level.

Pause for a moment.
Just to let you know, I did point out that I was living with my Muffin and that we were practically engaged.
This event was pre-proposal.
Also, I kept Muffin completely up to date with the entire transaction.
There are no secrets between us.

He began asking more and more personal questions.
You know, of the sexual nature.
I was able to skirt around these for a while.
Changing the subject, blatantly ignoring the question, reminding him that I had my very own baked goods, but nothing seemed to deter him.
Finally, when I had enough of it, and he had asked a very inappropriate question, I informed him that it was just that, inappropriate.
Needless to say, I haven’t spoken with him since.

This seems to be a round about way to get to the actual point of what I am writing here.
My memory of this boy is fantastic.
He was the one who made my heart flutter.
Made me giggle like a... well something that giggles an awful lot.
I think I would have held on to that memory, forever.
Not in a bad, obsessive sort of way, but when I look back on my high school days and think of the people I knew he would be there.
Frozen in the memory that couldn’t be tainted.
Until he sends me a text message out of the blue and I come to realise that he has grown up into a sleazy guy who just thinking about makes my skin crawl.
I think back and wonder what would have happened if I didn’t relocate to a different bakery.
Meet other, like minded cupcakes like myself.
Finish baking and come out of the oven the tasty, worldly treat that I am today.
Most of all I wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t meet my muffin.
He is such a good influence on me and such a good thing to have in my life.
Would I be the person I am today?
I can guarantee that I wouldn’t be sitting here in the kitchen we share writing this blog.

I have to say, I am thankful for who I am.
It has been a long time coming, but I am finally happy with the person I have turned into.
I believe that a lot of that acceptance comes from finding the muffin for me.
Settling down and taking the time to realise that I can be whoever I want to be and that I like who I am.

Memories are a funny thing.
They twist and distort the truth of history.
But at least they are in the past.
I would rather have a happy memory then a sad future...